Christmas Time

This Christmas feels extra special. As do most events in my life these days. Violet and Tytus make everything feel more special. The joy I feel in my heart when I hear my children sing songs and open presents and see Christmas lights is immeasurable. It doesn’t matter how much I say it, I could never fully express my praise and thanks to God for their lives and for allowing me to be their mommy. I can feel and experience all of God’s grace and love and blessing poured out on me when they just put their arm around my neck and say, “love you mommy”. The fact that God chooses to refer to Himself as our father makes me understand His heart so much clearer now that I have experienced being a mom. And wow, God really loves us.
As we remember the birth of Jesus this Christmas I am overwhelmingly thankful for our savior. Being a mom has also allowed me to see my need for a savior more than ever. As I am stretched in new ways God continues to work out the ugly sin in my heart. Sin that may have otherwise stayed hidden without these challenges, but was in there nonetheless. I will never understand how God could love me just as I am. And to love me enough to step out of heaven and take human form is unfathomable. And yet He did. THANK YOU JESUS!
2010 will always be remembered with a very special place in my heart as a year of rejoicing. This year Sam and I celebrated 10 years of marriage and our first year of parenthood. Though everyday has not been spent rejoicing, as parenting two toddlers also comes with some huge frustration and challenges. And I wouldn’t want to lead you to believe that every moment is like walking on sunshine. I’m just as exhausted and worn out as any other mom. But when I look back at the year, those daily moments aren’t the ones that I remember, it’s the overall experience that I treasure in my heart. Because after a long tiring day when Violet gives me a kiss and says her silly bedtime prayers, it wipes it all away. Christmas came very early for us this year, when we brought Violet home in February and Tytus home in June it was the best gift I ever received.

Thankful

Last night after I tucked my kids in bed, lounged on the couch for a while and then read my bible. A simple phrase in a verse I have read a hundred times jumped out on me. Romans 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." It was the "faithful in prayer part that jumped out at me." I pray for my children but as of lately my time with the Lord has been lacking quite a bit. I felt compelled to really intercede for them in prayer. As I snuck in their room and knelt beside each of their beds I was overcome with thankfulness and praise for our God. I am SO SO SO blessed. I love my kids more than I could ever have imagined. And am so privileged that God chose me to be their mommy. Thinking back at the LONG wait for Violet, it was SO worth every heart wrenching day. I would do it over again in a second to have my precious daughter. And PRAISE THE LORD that he doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want. Violet "should" have been home no later than May. But if that had happened we wouldn't have Tytus. And God knew from the beginning that he had not one, but two blessings for us. I am so thankful that God is faithful, that he hears our prayers, that he is sovereign. And that His plan is so much better than ours. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!

Violet is Two!

This weekend was Violet's Birthday. She is officially two years old! I can't believe it! It makes me so excited and so sad at the same time. But I was so happy to be able to share her birthday with her. We had a party with the family and a few close friends. She had a lot of fun. Her personality is just blossoming. She is so full of life and silliness. She loves people. She loves to sing and dance and jump and she makes me laugh every day. She blesses my life more than I could ever say. And am SO thankful that God chose me to be her mommy. I know he has amazing plans for my Violet Girl.

Being a mom

I'm sorry that I am not good at keeping up with my blog as much. There are so many times that I think, I want to post about this on my blog, but time gets away from me. Going from one kid to two has been much harder than I imagined. But there is no doubt in my mind that Tytus was totally meant to be a part of our family. He has been home 2 months now. And it is finally starting to feel normal instead of new.

Being a mom has been an amazing experience. It is a huge blessing, a huge challenge, it's sweet and frustrating and rewarding and so many other things. Never in my life have I NEEDED to read my Bible as much as I do these days. Children have a way of revealing the true state of your heart. When I haven't read my Bible, the ugliness of who I actually am comes out. I want my kids to see Christ, and not me. I can't be a good mom without Him. There have been many times I've thought to myself, I thought I would be able to do this. I thought I would be this ever patient, fun, sunshine of a mom. And I'm shocked to see this irritable impatient ugly person come out. And once again I'm thankful that God's mercies are new every morning. And God reminds me that I cannot be good on my own. It is only He that makes me good. I need Him, I need His word, like I need food and water.

I'm thankful that God continues to show me how much I need Him. How much this life is about Him and not me. More than ever I want him to chisel away at me, even when it hurts. And conform me to His image. The world needs Him, the world does not need me.

Happy Anniversary!

Ten years ago I married the love of my life. And I would do it all over again. The last ten years have been absolutely amazing and I could not ask for a better husband. He is perfect for me. I was so in love with him then, yet compared to now, it was like I didn't even know him. And I love him more everyday. He is a strong committed follower of Jesus, he works as unto the Lord, he loves me completely, he understands my craziness, he is a talented worship leader, humble, thoughtful, kind, generous, and strong. He supported me unfailingly through the hardest couple of years of my life. And somehow made them some of the best years of our marriage. He encourages me to pursue my dreams, and makes me want to be a better person.
This year we have begun a whole new adventure together. And now I am seeing a whole other side of him. He only keeps getting better. Sam is one of the best dads I have ever known. He loves unconditionally. He is patient yet firm. He takes such good care of our amazing children and he is always thinking of how we can be better.
When I think back over the last ten years, it has been filled with absolute joy! Now, as we started our family, I know the next ten years will look totally different. But I imagine they will be filled with a whole new kind of joy. I could never express how blessed I am. God has been SO gracious and kind and faithful. I could never deserve the life he has given me.
Sam, I love you with all of my heart. And I am SO proud to be your wife. Happy 10th Anniversary.

A week at home.

Tytus has been home for a week. It feels so right. It also feels exausting but that part will get better, or I'll get used to it. It's been amazing. Sam and I were talking about how we wrestled with whether we should adopt a second child. And now that's hard to imagine. We are so blessed to be his mommy and daddy. Tytus is such a happy boy. He laughs all the time and gets so excited when we play with him. He loves to wrassle with daddy. And he is a cuddle bug. He will often come over to us for a hug and a kiss in the middle of playing. He waves at everybody and loves to give high fives. He loves to sit on the backyard swing with me. He has such a beautiful smile. A contagious silly laugh. And a tender heart.
Having my whole family home is such a blessing. For the first time in two and a half years, I feel like all of me is home.

Happy Tytus Day!

Today is a day of rejoicing. We are a family of four and I couldn't be happier. I will give just a quick update. Sam and Tytus got home safely. We had a wonderful reunion at the airport. Violet LOVES Tytus. She wanted to be right next to him and would smile really big and wave and when he would look away she would put her hand on his cheek and try to pull his face back towards hers. It was so precious. Already tonight they kissed each other goodnight. She is such a good big sister. When it was bath time and Tytus kept running out of the bathroom, she would run and go get him and say "Bah Tye" which means bath time. Tytus loves his home. He is happy and smiley and full of giggles. God has blessed us beyond measure.

Tomorrow we'll be Four!

Tomorrow Sam will come home with Tytus. My heart is SO full tonight. My soul is just praising the LORD. Tomorrow, our adoption journey will end, and our life as a forever family will begin. I sometimes think I need to write a book to describe how amazing God has been through this whole journey, how much he has taught me, how awesome the gift of adoption is. This journey was SO hard. And it was SO worth it! And I would do it all over again. God has called us to care for orphans, and though I thought it would be a sacrifice, it's been the biggest blessing of my entire life. And I will never be the same. Not just because I am a mom, but because in this journey, God changed my heart. He kneaded and pulled and twisted and molded me. And even though it hurt...a lot...I want more. This is the life I want. I don't want the cushy life, I want to be molded into being more like Christ. I want to see things through His eyes. I've heard a few people say that they wouldn't choose international adoption after seeing how difficult the process has been for us. And honestly, that breaks my heart. They're missing out. They're missing out on the blessing. The blessing in the end, of seeing a life without hope, be redeemed. But also the blessing of the pain in the journey. It's in the pain, when we're broken and at the end of ourselves, that we see God more clearly. That He can take what we thought we knew about God, and blow it out of the water.
Tonight my heart is full. As I rocked my baby girl and put her to bed, listened to her pray in her baby babble to Jesus, and smile securely as I said night night and walked out, my heart was singing praises to our God. He makes all things new.

Tytus is coming home!!!!

On May 19th they called and told us we were clear to travel. Our Embassy date is June 1st. Sam and his mom will be leaving this wednesday May 26th to bring home my baby boy. It is probably going to feel like they are gone for an eternity! But two weeks from today I will hold my baby boy in my arms again! Our whole family will be together. I can't wait. PRAISE THE LORD!

My First Mothers Day

Tonight I sat in the kitchen eating my dinner while Sam took Violet outside. Sam bought me a swing for mothers day and they were swinging on it, enjoying the beautiful spring evening. Sam caught me peering through the window and so he motioned to Violet who quickly spotted me and began to wave and smile with her mouth open wide. Violet never stops moving and tonight was no exception. She would lay down, then sit up, then stand up, then back to laying, while daddy pushed them back and forth with his feet. Violet kept looking back at me and she and Sam would both smile and wave, and sometimes clap their hands. It was another one of those "Oh my gosh my heart is going to explode with love" moments. Such a stark contrast from where my heart was at last year.
Last year I dreaded mothers day for months. It was such an overwhelming reminder that my baby was not home yet. That Saturday night I laid in bed awake and as the clock changed to 12:00 I cried. I didn't go to church that Sunday, I didn't spend the day with my family. Just Sam and I hung out and pretended that it was another normal day.
This year is entirely different. As I write this my baby girl is sleeping soundly in the next room. And although my baby boy is not yet home, I have met him, held him and he legally bears our last name. He's a Cantrell, I am his mommy and he will be home soon.
I lack the words to express my overwhelming gratitude and Praise for our LORD. I could never do anything to deserve this blessing. Being Violet's mommy has brought me more joy than I ever thought possible. I love her in a way that I have never experienced before. And it makes me wonder what it will be like to be in the presence of our heavenly father. God loves me more than I love Violet. This new experience of love makes me wonder at the depths of love and joy we will experience in heaven when our adoption is fully complete and we are in our forever home. I know it will be unlike anything we could fathom in this life.
Being a mommy is everything I ever thought it would be and more. I love Violet and Tytus. And I am so proud to be their mommy this mother's day.

Tytus is ours!

I can't believe I am so bad at updating my blog now! We officially passed court for Tytus on Tuesday April 13th. We received his birth certificate this Friday (April 30th) and they will hopefully turn in our paperwork to the Embassy on Wednesday! That means we will travel whenever the Embassy does an investigation on our case and gives us our Embassy date. So hopefully within the next 8 weeks, I will get to hold my baby boy again! I cannot wait to see him. When I said goodbye to him in Ethiopia, I didn't expect it to be this long before seeing him again.
Things with Violet are going awesome! We had our first post placement meeting with the social worker on Friday. She said Violet was one of the most well adjusted children she has seen. She said you wouldn't even know she hasn't always been ours. I already knew she was doing really well, but to hear the social worker say it was really nice.
Well, now I remember why I am so bad at updating my blog, Violet woke up, so I need to go. I will try to write again soon.

Maybe Tomorrow

We did not pass our first two court dates for Tytus. On Friday they said that the case was continued to Monday or Tuesday due to confusion over the recommendation letter from the ministry of woman's affairs in Ethiopia. So tonight could be court again. I am praying it's tonight. I cannot wait to see my little boy again. It's amazing how different it feels this time. Last time every time we failed court seemed like confirmation that this really was never going to happen. Because I have Violet home this time, and because I have met Tytus, I have so much more peace and confidence that he will come home right when he is supposed to. God is completely in control, and always has been.
I've been thinking back over this journey, as I'm sure I will for years, and have been so amazed at how faithful God has been to me. He was right there with me every step of the way, even when I had a hard time seeing it. I really wish that I was a better writer, that I could explain a little of what God showed me this year. Of how He reached into my heart and transformed it, expanded my view of Himself, stretched me and molded me. I wish I could even touch on how in awe of Him I am. I hope in all of this year, for those of you who have been following this journey, that you have seen Him more. That you understand that I am not great, not even slightly. But that God is so much more wonderful than we could ever imagine. He is so worthy of our trust, of our life.

Happy Easter

I had a wonderful first Easter with Violet. When we were in the adoption process I would often imagine the holidays I would spend with her. And it was everything I had hoped for! It is so much fun watching her experience new things and watching our family dote on her. She is the first grandchild on the Cantrell side, so she is always the center of attention. She liked her Easter basket and enjoyed hunting for eggs with her cousins on my side of the family. And of course she looked ridiculously adorable in her Easter dress. Every day with Violet is a dream come true.
I felt so over joyed today. As I sat through church and was reminded of the hope and life we have because of Jesus resurrection, my heart was filled with gratitude. How amazing the God would love us so much. That he finds pleasure in us. I love my daughter SO much. And God loves me more. He sacrificed his son for me. What an amazing love! Praise the LORD that he was willing to pay such a high price to adopt ME as his child.
This Friday is Tytus's second court date. I know that God will bring Him home, at just the right time. And just as in Violet's case, he will be worth the wait!

Home at last!

I can't believe we have had Violet for a month! It doesn't feel like that at all! Where has the time gone! We are doing great. Violet is absolutely delightful. She has so much personality. And I am absolutely loving being a stay at home mom!
She loves to go for walks and loves to play with her cousins. She loves food and loves shoes! She gives the best kisses and the sweetest smiles. She says mommy and daddy, and almost every time I hear it, it fills my heart with joy. She is more beautiful than I ever imagined. I love her SO much.
I continue to be absolutely amazed at God's goodness. What a trial this year was, but WHAT A REWARD IN THE END! I am so grateful for all that God showed me and continues to teach me. When I started this process I thought I understood what God was doing, and how this was all going to work. I was so wrong. God had SO MUCH MORE for me, than I ever anticipated.
He showed me my heart and how ugly it can be, he showed me my faith and how strong it is. This might not make sense, but I actually learned during this process that I believe in God, His word and His promises, even more than I even knew. Last April, I thought I couldn't handle anymore. But God knew better. I don't mean this to boast of my own strength. I learned the very opposite. I know how weak I am! I know how ugly my heart is, but what I learned is that God is more good than I ever knew. He is more faithful than I ever imagined. He is more sovereign than I ever believed. And more compassionate than I had ever hoped.
He has turned my mourning into dancing. And in these few weeks, I have felt like I'm soaring on wings like Eagles.

When we come home

Dear Friends and Family,
I want to share some points of prayer for this coming week as well as share what it will be like when we return. We have greatly anticipated this week and cannot wait to hold baby Violet in our arms. We also cannot wait to introduce you to her! But I want to help you understand what this experience will be like for her.

Internationally adopted children come from institutionalized care and may also have experienced several moves. When children are institutionalized they often do not learn correct attachment (bond from child to parent) with their caregivers. This is emphasized by multiple placements and caregivers blurring the role of parent into something unspecific. Often times they view the world simply as the big people take care of the little people with no preference to any particular adult. Violet doesn’t know that we are her mommy and daddy. She needs to learn that we are not another temporary caregiver, we are forever. Therefore it is imminent in building an attachment with Violet that Mom and Dad be her sole caregivers for the first several months. Especially during the first few weeks it is important that others do not try to hold her. We also need to be the only ones to feed her, change her diaper, or console her when she’s crying. Violet may have never seen outside her orphanage. Ethiopia is like another world and places like Target or church will be very over stimulating for her. Children adjust incredibly and quickly, but initially she will need some space and time. Before you know it she will be calling you all by name!
Violet and Tytus will grow up knowing that they were adopted from Ethiopia. However, as they grow older and begin to understand more and ask questions, we would like to ask that you not engage in conversation with them about their life in Ethiopia. Some of you may know more about their specific stories, or even very simple information needs to be handled delicately. If for some reason Violet or Tytus begin to talk to you about where they are from, PLEASE encourage them to talk to us. We have taken classes and read a lot of information on how to talk to them in age appropriate ways.

I also want to share some prayer points for the coming weeks and months:
*Travel: Please pray for our safety as we travel. And especially for my fear of flying.
*Financial: We still need a little money for this trip. And will need to pay for another trip to go pick up Tytus. I believe strongly that God is going to work all of this out. Please pray for God’s provision.
*Emotional: Pray for Violet to attach to us quickly. Pray for us to fully attach to her. And pray that I will have God’s strength as we meet Tytus, but do not get to bring him home yet.
*Spiritual: The enemy does not want us to adopt Violet. He will continue to attack and pray that we will continue to place all of our trust in God.
*Physical: Pray that we don’t get sick while we are in Ethiopia. Many people get sick as our bodies are not used to the type of germs and parasites that they have there.

Thank you SO much for your overwhelming support and love. We are truly blessed with the most amazing family and friends. We love you all. And can’t wait to introduce you to our daughter!

Love,
Sam and Katy

We're going to Ethiopia

In less than a week I will be on a plane headed for Ethiopia to bring home our beautiful daughter. We also found out that while we are there, we will get to meet our son! How great is our God!
We leave on Thursday the 18th and get back on Saturday the 27th! I can't believe it's finally here!

Birth Certificate Arrived!

We now have Violet's birth certificate! I'm so happy! So we will know no later than Tuesday what our travel date is. AND there is a very good possibility that our Embassy Appointment will be February 23rd!!!! Less than three weeks away! If it's not that day then it will be March 9th. It finally feels real! Like this really is going to happen! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

I'm a Mommy!

I'd like to introduce you to Violet Grace Mahlet Cantrell. We passed court! Praise the LORD! Today has been one of the happiest days of my life!
Our case worker called us at 4:45 this morning and told us that our case was approved. Today Violet is no longer an orphan. She has a family.
We are overwhelmed with joy. What a long road it has been! I'm so thankful that we are coming to the end. We never would have made it without SO many people supporting us. People have given generously, prayed hard, and sacrificed much for us! And my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude. I feel like one of the most blessed people in the world!
God is SO good!

Didn't Pass

Most of you probably already heard that we didn't pass court on Wednesday because her biological family member didn't show up to court. They left the case open and as soon as they can appear with the bio family member, then the judge will hear the case. So it could be anytime. Thank you for your prayers.