Wow, how many times can God work me over before I REALLY REALLY get it! I have so much to share, I wrote pages in my journal and still don't feel like I fully expressed myself. But I will once again try to summarize the things that God is teaching me.
On Wednesday of this week I was hoping to find out our paperwork had been submitted to court. Instead I found out that their was a missing signature and it was sent back to the local official. I felt so angry and frustrated at first. Why does every step have to be such a battle!
Then Sam told me how he felt bad about expressing so much frustration about the adoption because he really does believe that this will happen in God's perfect timing. And WHAM! It was like God through a glass of cold water in my face! (except God is so much more gentle than that!). Do I NOT believe in God's sovereignty, in His Goodness, in His Faithfulness. Why must I fight him on every step. I am so much like the Israelites wandering in the dessert... God parts the red sea and the next day I'm all worked up about having nothing to eat. Didn't He just show me how capable and powerful and miraculous He is!
That night was youth group and we were having an all worship night. During the service we sang two songs that have specific meaning for me. One that reminds me of a time in my life when I feel like God moved heaven and earth to fulfill one of my dreams. The song is called O Praise Him. It instantly reminded me of all the events that God orchestrated to make it happen. At that time I was committed to only have Praise for God on my lips. And hearing the song convicted me of all my griping and complaining through this adoption process. When in the end, God is doing something good. That's a promise.
The other song is called Sanctuary of God and was written by the pastor of my old church. It's based on the story of Asaph. And God used that Psalm to teach me about His goodness. God's goodness does not depend on our circumstances. He is always Good, and our good is in being near HIM. And singing the song moved me deeply as God reminded me all the things He has shown me.
I felt as though God just said, "Hey, calm down and look to me! Don't you remember who I am?" I wish that my first reaction would be to trust God. I'm so thankful that He doesn't give up on me when my first response is poor.
I KNOW that God called us to this adoption. I KNOW that He lead us down this path. And I WILL follow Him all the way. God is GOOD! All the time!
