My First Mothers Day

Tonight I sat in the kitchen eating my dinner while Sam took Violet outside. Sam bought me a swing for mothers day and they were swinging on it, enjoying the beautiful spring evening. Sam caught me peering through the window and so he motioned to Violet who quickly spotted me and began to wave and smile with her mouth open wide. Violet never stops moving and tonight was no exception. She would lay down, then sit up, then stand up, then back to laying, while daddy pushed them back and forth with his feet. Violet kept looking back at me and she and Sam would both smile and wave, and sometimes clap their hands. It was another one of those "Oh my gosh my heart is going to explode with love" moments. Such a stark contrast from where my heart was at last year.
Last year I dreaded mothers day for months. It was such an overwhelming reminder that my baby was not home yet. That Saturday night I laid in bed awake and as the clock changed to 12:00 I cried. I didn't go to church that Sunday, I didn't spend the day with my family. Just Sam and I hung out and pretended that it was another normal day.
This year is entirely different. As I write this my baby girl is sleeping soundly in the next room. And although my baby boy is not yet home, I have met him, held him and he legally bears our last name. He's a Cantrell, I am his mommy and he will be home soon.
I lack the words to express my overwhelming gratitude and Praise for our LORD. I could never do anything to deserve this blessing. Being Violet's mommy has brought me more joy than I ever thought possible. I love her in a way that I have never experienced before. And it makes me wonder what it will be like to be in the presence of our heavenly father. God loves me more than I love Violet. This new experience of love makes me wonder at the depths of love and joy we will experience in heaven when our adoption is fully complete and we are in our forever home. I know it will be unlike anything we could fathom in this life.
Being a mommy is everything I ever thought it would be and more. I love Violet and Tytus. And I am so proud to be their mommy this mother's day.