Christmas Time

This Christmas feels extra special. As do most events in my life these days. Violet and Tytus make everything feel more special. The joy I feel in my heart when I hear my children sing songs and open presents and see Christmas lights is immeasurable. It doesn’t matter how much I say it, I could never fully express my praise and thanks to God for their lives and for allowing me to be their mommy. I can feel and experience all of God’s grace and love and blessing poured out on me when they just put their arm around my neck and say, “love you mommy”. The fact that God chooses to refer to Himself as our father makes me understand His heart so much clearer now that I have experienced being a mom. And wow, God really loves us.
As we remember the birth of Jesus this Christmas I am overwhelmingly thankful for our savior. Being a mom has also allowed me to see my need for a savior more than ever. As I am stretched in new ways God continues to work out the ugly sin in my heart. Sin that may have otherwise stayed hidden without these challenges, but was in there nonetheless. I will never understand how God could love me just as I am. And to love me enough to step out of heaven and take human form is unfathomable. And yet He did. THANK YOU JESUS!
2010 will always be remembered with a very special place in my heart as a year of rejoicing. This year Sam and I celebrated 10 years of marriage and our first year of parenthood. Though everyday has not been spent rejoicing, as parenting two toddlers also comes with some huge frustration and challenges. And I wouldn’t want to lead you to believe that every moment is like walking on sunshine. I’m just as exhausted and worn out as any other mom. But when I look back at the year, those daily moments aren’t the ones that I remember, it’s the overall experience that I treasure in my heart. Because after a long tiring day when Violet gives me a kiss and says her silly bedtime prayers, it wipes it all away. Christmas came very early for us this year, when we brought Violet home in February and Tytus home in June it was the best gift I ever received.

Thankful

Last night after I tucked my kids in bed, lounged on the couch for a while and then read my bible. A simple phrase in a verse I have read a hundred times jumped out on me. Romans 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." It was the "faithful in prayer part that jumped out at me." I pray for my children but as of lately my time with the Lord has been lacking quite a bit. I felt compelled to really intercede for them in prayer. As I snuck in their room and knelt beside each of their beds I was overcome with thankfulness and praise for our God. I am SO SO SO blessed. I love my kids more than I could ever have imagined. And am so privileged that God chose me to be their mommy. Thinking back at the LONG wait for Violet, it was SO worth every heart wrenching day. I would do it over again in a second to have my precious daughter. And PRAISE THE LORD that he doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want. Violet "should" have been home no later than May. But if that had happened we wouldn't have Tytus. And God knew from the beginning that he had not one, but two blessings for us. I am so thankful that God is faithful, that he hears our prayers, that he is sovereign. And that His plan is so much better than ours. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!

Violet is Two!

This weekend was Violet's Birthday. She is officially two years old! I can't believe it! It makes me so excited and so sad at the same time. But I was so happy to be able to share her birthday with her. We had a party with the family and a few close friends. She had a lot of fun. Her personality is just blossoming. She is so full of life and silliness. She loves people. She loves to sing and dance and jump and she makes me laugh every day. She blesses my life more than I could ever say. And am SO thankful that God chose me to be her mommy. I know he has amazing plans for my Violet Girl.

Being a mom

I'm sorry that I am not good at keeping up with my blog as much. There are so many times that I think, I want to post about this on my blog, but time gets away from me. Going from one kid to two has been much harder than I imagined. But there is no doubt in my mind that Tytus was totally meant to be a part of our family. He has been home 2 months now. And it is finally starting to feel normal instead of new.

Being a mom has been an amazing experience. It is a huge blessing, a huge challenge, it's sweet and frustrating and rewarding and so many other things. Never in my life have I NEEDED to read my Bible as much as I do these days. Children have a way of revealing the true state of your heart. When I haven't read my Bible, the ugliness of who I actually am comes out. I want my kids to see Christ, and not me. I can't be a good mom without Him. There have been many times I've thought to myself, I thought I would be able to do this. I thought I would be this ever patient, fun, sunshine of a mom. And I'm shocked to see this irritable impatient ugly person come out. And once again I'm thankful that God's mercies are new every morning. And God reminds me that I cannot be good on my own. It is only He that makes me good. I need Him, I need His word, like I need food and water.

I'm thankful that God continues to show me how much I need Him. How much this life is about Him and not me. More than ever I want him to chisel away at me, even when it hurts. And conform me to His image. The world needs Him, the world does not need me.

Happy Anniversary!

Ten years ago I married the love of my life. And I would do it all over again. The last ten years have been absolutely amazing and I could not ask for a better husband. He is perfect for me. I was so in love with him then, yet compared to now, it was like I didn't even know him. And I love him more everyday. He is a strong committed follower of Jesus, he works as unto the Lord, he loves me completely, he understands my craziness, he is a talented worship leader, humble, thoughtful, kind, generous, and strong. He supported me unfailingly through the hardest couple of years of my life. And somehow made them some of the best years of our marriage. He encourages me to pursue my dreams, and makes me want to be a better person.
This year we have begun a whole new adventure together. And now I am seeing a whole other side of him. He only keeps getting better. Sam is one of the best dads I have ever known. He loves unconditionally. He is patient yet firm. He takes such good care of our amazing children and he is always thinking of how we can be better.
When I think back over the last ten years, it has been filled with absolute joy! Now, as we started our family, I know the next ten years will look totally different. But I imagine they will be filled with a whole new kind of joy. I could never express how blessed I am. God has been SO gracious and kind and faithful. I could never deserve the life he has given me.
Sam, I love you with all of my heart. And I am SO proud to be your wife. Happy 10th Anniversary.

A week at home.

Tytus has been home for a week. It feels so right. It also feels exausting but that part will get better, or I'll get used to it. It's been amazing. Sam and I were talking about how we wrestled with whether we should adopt a second child. And now that's hard to imagine. We are so blessed to be his mommy and daddy. Tytus is such a happy boy. He laughs all the time and gets so excited when we play with him. He loves to wrassle with daddy. And he is a cuddle bug. He will often come over to us for a hug and a kiss in the middle of playing. He waves at everybody and loves to give high fives. He loves to sit on the backyard swing with me. He has such a beautiful smile. A contagious silly laugh. And a tender heart.
Having my whole family home is such a blessing. For the first time in two and a half years, I feel like all of me is home.

Happy Tytus Day!

Today is a day of rejoicing. We are a family of four and I couldn't be happier. I will give just a quick update. Sam and Tytus got home safely. We had a wonderful reunion at the airport. Violet LOVES Tytus. She wanted to be right next to him and would smile really big and wave and when he would look away she would put her hand on his cheek and try to pull his face back towards hers. It was so precious. Already tonight they kissed each other goodnight. She is such a good big sister. When it was bath time and Tytus kept running out of the bathroom, she would run and go get him and say "Bah Tye" which means bath time. Tytus loves his home. He is happy and smiley and full of giggles. God has blessed us beyond measure.