A week at home.

Tytus has been home for a week. It feels so right. It also feels exausting but that part will get better, or I'll get used to it. It's been amazing. Sam and I were talking about how we wrestled with whether we should adopt a second child. And now that's hard to imagine. We are so blessed to be his mommy and daddy. Tytus is such a happy boy. He laughs all the time and gets so excited when we play with him. He loves to wrassle with daddy. And he is a cuddle bug. He will often come over to us for a hug and a kiss in the middle of playing. He waves at everybody and loves to give high fives. He loves to sit on the backyard swing with me. He has such a beautiful smile. A contagious silly laugh. And a tender heart.
Having my whole family home is such a blessing. For the first time in two and a half years, I feel like all of me is home.

Happy Tytus Day!

Today is a day of rejoicing. We are a family of four and I couldn't be happier. I will give just a quick update. Sam and Tytus got home safely. We had a wonderful reunion at the airport. Violet LOVES Tytus. She wanted to be right next to him and would smile really big and wave and when he would look away she would put her hand on his cheek and try to pull his face back towards hers. It was so precious. Already tonight they kissed each other goodnight. She is such a good big sister. When it was bath time and Tytus kept running out of the bathroom, she would run and go get him and say "Bah Tye" which means bath time. Tytus loves his home. He is happy and smiley and full of giggles. God has blessed us beyond measure.

Tomorrow we'll be Four!

Tomorrow Sam will come home with Tytus. My heart is SO full tonight. My soul is just praising the LORD. Tomorrow, our adoption journey will end, and our life as a forever family will begin. I sometimes think I need to write a book to describe how amazing God has been through this whole journey, how much he has taught me, how awesome the gift of adoption is. This journey was SO hard. And it was SO worth it! And I would do it all over again. God has called us to care for orphans, and though I thought it would be a sacrifice, it's been the biggest blessing of my entire life. And I will never be the same. Not just because I am a mom, but because in this journey, God changed my heart. He kneaded and pulled and twisted and molded me. And even though it hurt...a lot...I want more. This is the life I want. I don't want the cushy life, I want to be molded into being more like Christ. I want to see things through His eyes. I've heard a few people say that they wouldn't choose international adoption after seeing how difficult the process has been for us. And honestly, that breaks my heart. They're missing out. They're missing out on the blessing. The blessing in the end, of seeing a life without hope, be redeemed. But also the blessing of the pain in the journey. It's in the pain, when we're broken and at the end of ourselves, that we see God more clearly. That He can take what we thought we knew about God, and blow it out of the water.
Tonight my heart is full. As I rocked my baby girl and put her to bed, listened to her pray in her baby babble to Jesus, and smile securely as I said night night and walked out, my heart was singing praises to our God. He makes all things new.

Tytus is coming home!!!!

On May 19th they called and told us we were clear to travel. Our Embassy date is June 1st. Sam and his mom will be leaving this wednesday May 26th to bring home my baby boy. It is probably going to feel like they are gone for an eternity! But two weeks from today I will hold my baby boy in my arms again! Our whole family will be together. I can't wait. PRAISE THE LORD!

My First Mothers Day

Tonight I sat in the kitchen eating my dinner while Sam took Violet outside. Sam bought me a swing for mothers day and they were swinging on it, enjoying the beautiful spring evening. Sam caught me peering through the window and so he motioned to Violet who quickly spotted me and began to wave and smile with her mouth open wide. Violet never stops moving and tonight was no exception. She would lay down, then sit up, then stand up, then back to laying, while daddy pushed them back and forth with his feet. Violet kept looking back at me and she and Sam would both smile and wave, and sometimes clap their hands. It was another one of those "Oh my gosh my heart is going to explode with love" moments. Such a stark contrast from where my heart was at last year.
Last year I dreaded mothers day for months. It was such an overwhelming reminder that my baby was not home yet. That Saturday night I laid in bed awake and as the clock changed to 12:00 I cried. I didn't go to church that Sunday, I didn't spend the day with my family. Just Sam and I hung out and pretended that it was another normal day.
This year is entirely different. As I write this my baby girl is sleeping soundly in the next room. And although my baby boy is not yet home, I have met him, held him and he legally bears our last name. He's a Cantrell, I am his mommy and he will be home soon.
I lack the words to express my overwhelming gratitude and Praise for our LORD. I could never do anything to deserve this blessing. Being Violet's mommy has brought me more joy than I ever thought possible. I love her in a way that I have never experienced before. And it makes me wonder what it will be like to be in the presence of our heavenly father. God loves me more than I love Violet. This new experience of love makes me wonder at the depths of love and joy we will experience in heaven when our adoption is fully complete and we are in our forever home. I know it will be unlike anything we could fathom in this life.
Being a mommy is everything I ever thought it would be and more. I love Violet and Tytus. And I am so proud to be their mommy this mother's day.

Tytus is ours!

I can't believe I am so bad at updating my blog now! We officially passed court for Tytus on Tuesday April 13th. We received his birth certificate this Friday (April 30th) and they will hopefully turn in our paperwork to the Embassy on Wednesday! That means we will travel whenever the Embassy does an investigation on our case and gives us our Embassy date. So hopefully within the next 8 weeks, I will get to hold my baby boy again! I cannot wait to see him. When I said goodbye to him in Ethiopia, I didn't expect it to be this long before seeing him again.
Things with Violet are going awesome! We had our first post placement meeting with the social worker on Friday. She said Violet was one of the most well adjusted children she has seen. She said you wouldn't even know she hasn't always been ours. I already knew she was doing really well, but to hear the social worker say it was really nice.
Well, now I remember why I am so bad at updating my blog, Violet woke up, so I need to go. I will try to write again soon.

Maybe Tomorrow

We did not pass our first two court dates for Tytus. On Friday they said that the case was continued to Monday or Tuesday due to confusion over the recommendation letter from the ministry of woman's affairs in Ethiopia. So tonight could be court again. I am praying it's tonight. I cannot wait to see my little boy again. It's amazing how different it feels this time. Last time every time we failed court seemed like confirmation that this really was never going to happen. Because I have Violet home this time, and because I have met Tytus, I have so much more peace and confidence that he will come home right when he is supposed to. God is completely in control, and always has been.
I've been thinking back over this journey, as I'm sure I will for years, and have been so amazed at how faithful God has been to me. He was right there with me every step of the way, even when I had a hard time seeing it. I really wish that I was a better writer, that I could explain a little of what God showed me this year. Of how He reached into my heart and transformed it, expanded my view of Himself, stretched me and molded me. I wish I could even touch on how in awe of Him I am. I hope in all of this year, for those of you who have been following this journey, that you have seen Him more. That you understand that I am not great, not even slightly. But that God is so much more wonderful than we could ever imagine. He is so worthy of our trust, of our life.