I'm a Mommy!

I'd like to introduce you to Violet Grace Mahlet Cantrell. We passed court! Praise the LORD! Today has been one of the happiest days of my life!
Our case worker called us at 4:45 this morning and told us that our case was approved. Today Violet is no longer an orphan. She has a family.
We are overwhelmed with joy. What a long road it has been! I'm so thankful that we are coming to the end. We never would have made it without SO many people supporting us. People have given generously, prayed hard, and sacrificed much for us! And my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude. I feel like one of the most blessed people in the world!
God is SO good!

Didn't Pass

Most of you probably already heard that we didn't pass court on Wednesday because her biological family member didn't show up to court. They left the case open and as soon as they can appear with the bio family member, then the judge will hear the case. So it could be anytime. Thank you for your prayers.

Tomorrow Night!

I have a constant feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I can think of nothing else but our court date tomorrow night. I have waited SO LONG for this day and can hardly believe it's here. I feel like every part of me is on edge, eagerly waiting. Like riding in a roller coaster to the top of the hill. Each hour the goes by is like the clicking of the track while I wait for the exhilaration of the ride on the other side. In a little over 24 hours, I could be Violet's mom. Right now I can imagine nothing I want more.

Merry Christmas

I dreaded the holidays this year. The thought of going through Christmas again without my babies was unbearable to me. But having a court date has given me so much more hope, and I ended up having a wonderful Christmas. Violet and Tytus have no idea how loved they are. They are going to be a part of a family that is full of so much love. I felt so blessed opening multiple presents this year for my children who are not yet home, and yet already considered to be family by my parents/brothers/sisters etc.
I'm already a mommy in my heart but in 5 days I may legally be the mommy of one of my children. Christmas may be over but I'm hoping the most wonderful day of the year is yet to come.

COURT DATE!!!!

On monday December 7th we received our Court Date for Violet on December 30th! I can't even begin to explain how happy I was to get that call. I was crying and laughing and shaking and screaming. I was also driving which proved to be quite dangerous! :) It felt like the best day of my life. I woke up early and found snow outside which NEVER happens where we live. I think it's only snowed once in my life. AND my nephew was born that day, and I got a court date. Could I be any happier? Well, maybe, come December 30th. :) PRAISE THE LORD! He is always good!

If you would have told me in February when we first layed eyes on our baby girl, that we would wait until now, I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I think I would have lost it. Not that I didn't lose it several times along the journey, but God has been so faithful and so gracious to me. I have experienced his comfort, his joy, his peace, his goodness in new ways. But the journeys not over yet.

PLEASE join me in praying that we pass court on December 30th. There are many reasons that a person fails court. If we don't pass they will reschedule for another day. SO please pray that we pass.

As for Tytus, we are still waiting on his paperwork. I will keep you all posted if we hear anything :)

Rambling

Each time we take a step forward a few days later I find out we've taken a step back. I know God is still working. He's working in Ethiopia and He's working in me. I find myself so thankful for what He has taught me. This is what I want. I want God to refine me and make me more like Him. I had no idea how wicked my heart can be. I want Him to draw me near. And yet I SO want to be done with this trial. Even as I give my burdens over to the Lord and even while I declare my devotion to Him I can feel myself taking it all back.

There's a perfect peace and joy in knowing that this world is temporary, in knowing that our real home is in heaven with our savior, in knowing that our God is sovereign and just. That knowledge gives us hope in our trials and indeed it is my hope. But I'm still learning what it means, what it looks like to have peace and joy. I'll lay on my face and pour it all out to God and get up and still feel wrecked inside. So maybe I'm missing something. But I read a verse recently that encouraged me greatly.

Psalms 103:11-14
"For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust".

And so I think it's okay that we struggle. It's okay that I fall apart sometimes. Because God knows how I am formed. And He is compassionate. I am not strong. But He is.

Happy Birthday Violet

Today my baby girl turned one years old. This post is for her:
Violet, I love you more that I could ever express in words. Though it breaks my heart to not be with you on this special day. My heart is full of joy as I look at your pictures. I am so honored that I will be your mommy. You are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. And your sweet spirit shines through in every photo. Your life is a blessing from God. I can't wait to hold you in my arms. There are many more firsts to come, and I can't wait to share them with you.
I love you Violet.