Going Crazy

Sometimes I feel like a crazy person. My emotions are all over the place. And as I try not to be controlled by them. Sometimes I wonder if it's making me more crazy. I can swing from feeling peaceful and trusting in God's sovereignty to overwhelming frustration in the matter of moments. I'm constantly trying to keep my emotions at bay. And it's exhausting.
Today I was already feeling frustrated again about the adoption when I learned that I need to re-do my fingerprints because they expire soon. And if we don't travel before September we will have to update our Homestudy. Which will be an additional cost. So needless to say I felt so much more cheery after hearing that. (Do you hear the sarcasm in my voice) It's not so much about the money. It's that we're waiting and waiting and then to add insult to injury, we've waited so long some of our paperwork is going to expire. Can we just get passed this already!
I can't describe the ache in my heart. I want to hold her in my arms more than anything. I want to look into her eyes. And sing her songs. I want to rock her and read to her and kiss her cheeks. I want her. I want her. I want her.