Lessons while waiting.

This week we got some new pictures of our beautiful baby. She looks happy and content. I love seeing new expressions on her face. It makes me feel like I know her a little bit better. I found out that the agency receives updates on court dates on Wednesdays so I wont know if we have a date until Wednesday. I am very anxious to get a court date but God has really been working in my heart this week.
On wednesday I had a really hard day of waiting. Though I was happy to receive new pictures it was hard for me to see that she's a little bigger than she was in the last ones. I cried and complained to my friends and whined at God. And then my husband reminded me that God does not rejoice in our suffering but He does have a plan and He does want to teach us something during this time. And maybe instead of focusing on how much we don't want to be in this stage anymore, we should focus on what God wants to teach us.
I have learned SO much during this process but I also know that lately I've been putting God off. I sometimes feel so sad and overwhelmed because I can't see my precious baby right now. I pray to God and ask him to make me feel better. And I can hear him saying "Come to me". And I respond with "maybe later, but can you make me feel better NOW." You see what I'm doing is praying so that I feel like I'm in control, instead of praying and giving it over to God. I'm still holding on to my dreams and my desires. God has proven himself faithful over and over during this process. Yet still, I'm holding on. And so I recommitted myself this week to let go. To trust that God knows best and to give in to His will. I don't want to just get through this time. I want to learn everything I can. I want to take advantage of this opportunity to trust God. And so I am going to go to Him. Everyday. And everyday let go again.